You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
