Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
