it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
