i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
