Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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