If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
