my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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