Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize