Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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