"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize