He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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