smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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