meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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