Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
