people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
