he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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