I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
