I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
