can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
