alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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