i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
