no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The air was thick with penises
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
