i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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