What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
