He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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