when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
