i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
