drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
