ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
