we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
