His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
