Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Sorry my hands just texted you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
