It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
