Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
