Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize