I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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