I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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