ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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