the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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