i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
