how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
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