He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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