we have pet lesbian snakes
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
