I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
