i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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