Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
