i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
