I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
