Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
