You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
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