Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
