im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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