I just cut my nipple shaving
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
