I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
