yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
please come you make the beer taste better
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
