Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
