We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize