First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
