Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
