dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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