just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
