Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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