i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize