so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
