This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
