Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize