im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Fuck appropriateness.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
