Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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