Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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