ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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