Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
