dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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