this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
