i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
